Maybe I Don't Hate It

I hate that tomorrow is September 1.

I LOATHE this time of year.

To me fall is just rushing us in to winter.

It's just a corridor leading me to freezing temperatures and leaf-less trees.

But I'm finding myself enjoying the cooler temperatures.

I daydream about the fall decorations that I'm going to put on my front porch.

And I'm thinking about soup recipes. A LOT. (clam chowder, enchilada - that I'm going to make up myself, and chicken chili just to name a few)

So this year I'm going to turn over a new leaf

that's crumpling and turning brown

that's going to be raked in to a pile and will either be thrown in the trash or... burned.

Back to School Blahs

It took two thirds of the summer, but I was really happy with the cohesive-ness I was feeling between the kids and I just before they went back to school.

Sure, they still bickered.

But we had settled in to a great routine. Chores. Help mom with the baby. Watch baby so mom could do chores. Play.

It worked and we were comfy.

And then it happened.

School.

It only took two days and I lost all ground.

(sigh) Don't get me started on the back to school clutter.

Coming Soon

Two weeks ago I decided that I was ready to officially and commitedly return to Just Jess.

The next day our internet went down and stayed down for 2 weeks.

I'm trying to convince myself that it wasn't a sign.

What's in a Name?

When Maddie and Isaac were young, I never referred to myself (or let anyone else refer to me) as 'Mommy'. I was 'Momma' or 'Mom'.

Even when Maddie went through that phase when she was 2-3 of calling us by our first names, I much preferred 'Jess' to 'Mommy'. Boy did it drive her daddy crazy when she called him David.

There are obviously many, many differences between my babies then and my baby now.

But one thing now is for sure: I am Bailey's mommy.

The Night I Ripped His Heart Out

Do you ever (on those rare occasions that the remote is in YOUR hand) put on a show that you KNOW your husband is going to object to?

I do. Just to test how long it takes for him to pitch a fit.

But he didn't the other night when I turned on Steal Magnolias during the Christmas party scene, just as Shelby is announcing her pregnancy. David had never seen it, and decided to play along.

He had missed all the character building, so I had to explain the friendships and the close mother-daughter relationship Shelby and Malin have.

He watched.

I, of course, was fighting tears from the get-go. But I didn't warn him.

I didn't prepare him...

So as the family is gathered in the hospital around the life-less Shelby, in a child-like voice David asks "what's he signing?".

(I didn't answer)

Then in that same, innocent voice "they're going to let her... die?"

But then he turned back in to a man "stupid movie".

A Bit of a Vent

What would reunite Just Jess with the blogging world?

Details from our fun spring break?

Sharing the magical moments of Bailey's birth? (oh SO magical)

Nope.

We're going to play "Let's Pretend".

Let's pretend Just Jess had a good week, and that it was quiet and uneventful, and that everything went as planned.

Nothing was broken. No one flaked. No decisions to be made.

The weird thing about this week is: it wasn't completely disastrous. There were some highs. But there was just enough *bleh* that the only food I can get down is chocolate, and I'm pretty sure that my eyebrows are in a permanent scowl.

Let's check in again tomorrow. I'm going eat a bunch of comfort food and shop away the blues.

Keep your fingers crossed that it works.

Today?

If this baby is truly one of us, she'll arrive today.

On my side of the family, we are SO co-dependent that we are born on each other's birthdays and anniversaries - a couple of dates are even tripled up.

Even the in-laws who marry in follow suit: David and my aunt Jewels share a birthdate of December 12; Alonso shares March 5 with my dad and Grandma F.; Melissa's birthday, Abby's birthday and my anniversary all fall on April 14; and potential in-law, Heidi, shares November 29 with me - which is also my aunt and uncle's anniversary.

Just to name a few.

As today would have been Grampa's birthday, it's a very appropriate day for the baby to arrive.

But - let's face it, this is me: for me to give birth today, I would have had to gone in to labor yesterday.