T Minus 26

The arrangements have been made. We're coming home for Christmas.

In 26 days.

And it's going to be a long 26 days.

As I go about life here in Utah, 600 miles from home, I keep my guard way up. It's a requirement. I have to fight off the homesickness.

But now, after surviving the arrival of a new nephew two states away, and after surviving yet another Thanksgiving away from all of you, I need to get through the next 26 days.

I can tell my heart is softening. I got teary during the intermediate hymn during Sacrament meeting. It's one that gets stuck in my dad's head and he sings it around the house for a couple of days straight.

My kids are homesick too. Every conversation revolves around Grammy. And I think Maddie and Paige are up to 4 phone calls a day.

Inevitably, December will fill up. It always does. Maddie has a choir concert on the 5th. The ward party with cook-off is the 14th.

I will have distractions. Other things will help me to not dwell on home.

But home will be the biggest distraction of all.

Spending the Holidays With Friends

I hope you've had a great Thanksgiving!

I'm still full, but I could totally go for some more stuffing, turkey, gravy, and mashed potatoes. It's not even about the pumpkin pie anymore. I should have had Seconds for dessert. But let's face it, it wouldn't be Seconds. More like Twenty-Seconds.

Gone are the days of the fabulous Thanksgiving episodes of F*R*I*E*N*D*S to help us digest our turkey, except in the world of re-runs. God bless re-runs.

In honor of the beloved Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey and Ross, some of my favorite Thanksgiving lines (in no particular order):

"Please don't fire me for doing this."

"You've got Nevada twice." "I know."

"Joey, those are my maternity pants."

"This turkey is my Everest."

Hands down, best ever: "Take off your shirt and tell us."

He's Here!

But I'm not.

Mister Elijah arrived yesterday, only 20 minutes after his mom got to the hospital.

It's rough...trying to do this long distance. But I totally call Shotgun on the baby for December 23(ish) through January 7.

Under My Skin

Why am I so bugged?

Everyone is on my nerves. Except you, of course.

I'm just.......bugged.

Students. Co-workers. People. Utah drivers.

Bugged.

I don't like feeling like this. I don't set out to find other people's faults. I have plenty of my own. So why does it feel like there's so much around me?

Is it the holidays? Probably.

Is it the weather? Dunno.

Is it because I can't come home this week? A little.

Is it the gas prices? Surely.

I guess it's also because I'm feeling better enough to care and notice what's happening around me. Maybe it's because now I'm feeling up to dealing with some things, but not all of it.

So, as I've worked through this here on the page, it turns out that I'm not really bugged with the world, I'm bugged with myself and the things I need to change, fix, clean, accomplish, buy, etc.

Apparently Anxiety is the next level after Bugged.

With Gas Back Up Over $3/Gallon...

Is it just me or when seeing the grand total after filling up your gas tank do you think 'that could have been a pair of jeans'?

Babies Having Babies

Students are milling through the halls with babies. Assignments in Child Care and/or Adult Roles require that both boys and girls carry baby dolls around. So far they appear to just be dolls brought from home, not the mechanical robot dolls that you might have seen.

A girl that is in my English class and in one of my math classes is carrying around a doll for her Child Care class.

I watched her with her baby yesterday. She held it like it was real and must have wrapped and rewrapped the blanket 100 times.

At one point she asked if I wanted to hold it. No thanks. I'm good.

BTW, she's a high school junior.

One of the times she rewrapped the blanket, she was finally content with the outcome, the baby's head was completely covered. That way, according to her, no one in the halls would know that it wasn't real.

I couldn't hold it in. "Half the student body is carrying them. I think they're on to you."

BFF? In Hollywood?

Have you been watching Samantha Who?

I have. But let me back up.

I hated the "Kelly Bundy" character. Hated. Really hated.

But in the last few years, I have grown pretty fond of Christina Applegate. Her show Jesse was cute. And it was fun to have her on F*R*I*E*N*D*S. It's a shame that I didn't get to see her on Broadway.

I digress.

The cute-as-a-button Sookie from Gilmore Girls is the sugary sweet sidekick on Samantha Who?.

I am thrilled to have her there, and am happy for Melissa McCarthy to have moved on to another show.

But it kind of feels like she's cheating on Lorelai.

They really should have brought her along.

A Couple of Kodak Moments

Now that I'm catching up on life, it's time to catch up on picture posting...

Especially for Bampa:

I'm dying to get back out to this little, poverty-ridden mining town out in the middle of nowhere. It was snowing when we passed through, so I had no takers for posing in the cold. I'll be back in the spring.

Isaac is so excited to be a Boy Scout. Blame it on the mono, it took for ever for us to get his first merit badge. David's going to kill me.

Isaac got bored during breakfast on Sunday. What you don't see on the top is my car key and two gift cards.

Notice those week-old scabs on his forehead? Little boys should watch for brick walls when running for a football pass.

This is the cat's Rush Hour Perch. We live towards the mouth of the subdivision, and every night, as the cars stream in after work, the headlights shine in through the window and bounce around on the wall. Kitty waits and then... Attacks!

Kitty is still pretty psycho. Do you suppose it's something I'm doing?

Moving On...

The students I teach on 'A' days in English and Math Tutorial are regular ed (as opposed to special). Some are excellent students wanting to have extra math help/practice, and some are just plain the bottom of the barrel.

Either way, some confide in me.

You'd be surprised.

They want to tell me about their drug experience.

Today one told me she was pregnant.

Other things they indirectly tell me. Suicide thoughts. Eating disorder. Becoming a lesbian.

The last 3 are all the same girl.

I have no problem reporting to the administrators when I feel it's necessary. You always knew I was a snitch.

But I've learned a lesson, and I've learned it early so I can really stop and wonder if teaching is really what I want to do.

I've learned about why teachers are crabby. I've learned that maybe they all set out with the same (or similar) intent as me: be there for the students, and to be that one teacher who will make a difference. You know, be The One.

But, I'm quickly finding out that sticking your neck out for these fickle kids quickly gets the teacher burned.

'Brandy' wasn't too happy with me after her counselor told her that I reported her for looking up suicide notes on the internet in my class. I was sick all weekend with worry that she was going to 'do' something. But her and mom assured the counselor that she was just fine. Really? Fine? I have yet to tell any of them that she's a starving lesbian.

It's hard not to love these kids, especially because there's a lot of days that I come home hating them.

But they want someone to care. They want someone to go to bat for them. They want to be loved.

Either that or I'm being completely snowed.

I guess one of the classes I need to take in college is "Teacher Turn Off Your Heart" and "Teacher Know When To Draw the Line".

A Little More Whining

I'm crossing my fingers and knocking on wood, but there are a few signs that I am getting better.

1.) While I kept up with cooking dinner (and clean up afterward) all along, I dropped the ball when it came to the area of vegetables. Okay, we went through a lot of canned green beans. But tonight, we are fresh. A green salad is waiting for us.

2.) Sunday morning, with help from day light saving, I made bread, scrubbed the kitchen and then got ready for church, though my hair looked awful. For the last several Sundays I've been in bed until the last possible minute.

3.) Did you ever lose a taste for something you love, like when you were pregnant? With both of my pregnancies I lost a taste for Taco Bell (hard to believe), but immediately regained my obsession as soon as those babies were on the outside of my body. With this mono business, I've lost a taste for (gasp) peanut butter, something I love and heavily depend on for protein. But yesterday after school, again a small sign that I'm getting better, I made myself the yummiest peanut butter and jelly sandwich ever.

There are other signs of good health, like staying awake. And the nausea hasn't been quite so bad. Even as recent as Sunday I was convinced that I would never be healthy again. My attitude has definetly been glass half empty, hopefully just a passing symptom.

But I hold on to hope of the glass filling up again.